


Connor Murphy 2.0

by of_iron_and_ice



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: A reason behind Jared’s bathbombs, Connor has a squip, Drug Use, Evan’s ‘um’, First Date, First Kiss, M/M, Mentions of past self harm, Pining, The Squip is Jeff Goldblum, Treebros, Underage Drinking, connor HATES HIS SQUIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-12 20:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13555437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/of_iron_and_ice/pseuds/of_iron_and_ice
Summary: Connor Murphy purchases a Squip, not knowing what that entails. Little does he know, the supercomputer has its eyes set on Evan Hansen, and Connor’s attention soon follows.





	1. Chapter 1 - The Squip Enters.

“Where _is_ Jamie anyway?” Connor hands over a twenty to his stand-in dealer in exchange for four ready rolled blunts. His parents were getting increasingly suspicious of his smoking habits and every time they so much as caught a whiff of weed, they were ransacking his room and flushing the drugs before he’d had the chance to enjoy them.  
At least this way he can smoke two on the way home, and two in the morning while his perfect family sleeps, leaving no evidence save for his glassy eyes and blissed-out attitude.

  
“Hell if I know.” McKenzie drawls, scratching at the back of his neck with a shrug. Jamie’s been missing for weeks, Connor hasn’t seen him the past few times and it’s starting to worry him. Mainly because McKenzie _never_ invited him in for a smoke, or to test out any new gear. “He was trying out this new pill, last I heard. Squip or some shit.”

  
“Squip? The fuck kinda name is that?”  
Another shrug from McKenzie. _Fat lotta use he is._

  
Still, Connor’s curiosity is spiked and he wants to know more about this new drug. “Upper? Downer? What’s it do?”

  
“I dunno man, he just upped and went. Like his life turned around.”

  
“You don't think anything happened to him, right?”

  
“Nah, he's been seen around the city. Apparently looking better than he's ever looked.”

  
Weird. But if this _squip_ was enough to get Jamie to renounce a decade of dealing drugs and vanish, he must be enjoying himself.  
“Crazy. Text me if you get any of that in.” _I gotta test this shit out!_ “Later dude!”

  
And with that he’s out the door, punching the digits of Jared Kleinman’s number into his phone as he slopes on home in the dark. If anyone knows about it, it’ll be him.

  
“Hey! Jared! Long time no speak. What do you know about a drug called a squip?”

  
*****

  
Weeks later, Connor is perched on the edge of his mattress, rolling a little grey pill between his fingers. This is the drug which evidently changed Jamie’s entire outlook on life, but would it change his own?  
Already he’d tossed the warning labels aside, if he was gonna die who gave a shit? Certainly not him, if this stupid little pill doesn’t make his life better, it better kill him. Connor’s grown so tired of chasing new and exciting highs in attempts to drown his demons, and he’s rapidly running out of options.

  
Heaving a sigh, Connor shuffles back against the headboard and closes his eyes, tossing the pill to the back of his throat and swallowing it down dry. “Guess I just.. wait.”

  
*.*.*.*.*

  
All he does that day is _wait_. Last period is gym and still no effects whatsoever. _Dumb prick sold me a dud._ Connor sulks and crosses his arms across his chest, brooding.

  
Maybe it was a bad idea smoking such a ridiculous amount of pot after third period. Maybe that’s the real reason, and the haze of weed is masking the effect of the squip. _What’s it supposed to do anyway?_ McKenzie told him nothing, and Jared hardly knew a thing about it when he’d asked.

  
A glance to his side and Connor sees a group of girls whispering and pointing in his direction, and suddenly he feels exposed in his shorts and t-shirt. He knows what they’re staring at; jagged white and pink scars criss-cross up the pale expanse of his arms and without the comfort of his hoodie, his sorrow is on display to the world.

  
_Fuck this._

  
With a huff, Connor snatches up his bottle of Mountain Dew and wrenches off the lid in a temper, storming toward the exit after a long swig of the soda.

  
“Stupid class anyway. Full of- _ah, fuck!”_ A sharp stab in his gut has him halting in his tracks, clutching at his stomach. Well this is the worst bout of drug induced gut rot he’d ever experienced, and as he straightens the pain of it splatters stars across his vision.  
The next searing pain comes in his head, just as an indecipherable voice plays over the school tannoy system. _What is that? Is that Chinese? Japanese?_ Where’s the principal and why is someone using the microphone to speak a language hardly any of the students understand?

  
That thought is ripped from Connor as a panic inducing agony ripples through every limb, tears pricking at his eyes. He grabs the closest body to him to steady himself and groans, suddenly wide-eyed and terrified. _Is this it? Is this how I die? In fucking gym class?_

  
And still the tannoy is going, only now Connor picks up some of the words. ‘Connor Murphy’ and ‘squip’. _Oh shit, if the principal knows, I’m screwed._

  
He turns to the kid he’s clutched at, shaking and still in pain. “Can- can you hear that? Is that Japanese?”

  
Evan feels his arm gripped tightly, and turns to see someone from his gym class. _What’s his name again? Cory? Conrad? Connor!_ He looks at his face, full of fear and confusion. He’s heard stories about him, how he’s an asshole, but all Evan can think when he sees him is how badly he feels for this guy who’s freaking out.

  
“I said... Is that Japanese?” He asks Evan.

  
“What?” Evan looks at him, dumbfounded.

  
He sighs shakily. “I said, can you hear that? Is that Japanese? Or Chinese? What the fuck is it?” Connor shouts in his face, exasperatedly.

  
Evan shakes his head. “I… uh… I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he admits, sheepishly.

  
Connor releases his grip on his arm, leaving a red mark. Evan glances at Connor’s arms, pale and shaky, scars decorating the skin. He wants to comfort him, tell him it’ll be okay, but he can’t summon the courage to do anything than just stand like an idiot.

  
“I… uh…” Evan stammers, wanting to at least keep Connor from running off.

  
Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Jared, and a pang of jealousy shoots through him as Jared is making some girls laugh. His best friend, now the one he’s been lusting over for the past four years. Talk about pathetic.  
Evan gently taps Connor on his arm, who turns around fiercely, yet tears still show in his eyes.

  
“Hey, um, you need anything? I can buy you some food… or maybe if you drink some water?” Evan’s eyes subconsciously travel to the scars, and Connor growls seeing where he’s looking.

  
“Take a picture, they last much fucking longer,” he spits, stalking off.

  
Guilt washes over Evan, and he runs after Connor. “Wait! Wait, I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I. Uh.”

  
Connor stares at Evan, his eyes piercing his body, making Evan tremble slightly. “What are you, a broken record? Piss off.”

  
Evan watches as Connor walks off, feeling even worse about himself. _Why can I never say or do what I mean?_ He slumps his shoulders, turning around.

  
He bumps into someone who laughs, and hugs him. “Watch where you’re going, acorn!”  
Jared smiles at Evan, who blushes at the affectionate nickname he got when he broke his arm last summer after falling out of a tree.

“I saw you talking to Connor, what was that all about?”

  
Evan shrugs, confused himself. “I have no idea, he was freaking out, asking if I could hear something, if it was in Japanese or whatever.”

  
Jared snickers. “That’d make sense, what with all the pot that guy smokes,” he mutters to himself.

  
Evan looks at him curiously. “Do you know Connor?”

  
“He asks for homework help sometimes,” Jared replies simply, with a wave of his hand.

  
“Makes sense,” Evan comments, lost in thought, staring at his best friend. _Oh, how much he would love to kiss h-_ he shakes his head, getting rid of the ridiculous thoughts of Jared and him kissing and- No!

  
Jared places a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “You okay?” He raises an eyebrow, looking down at Evan, causing his glasses to slip down his nose.

  
He gulps, nodding. _Shit! If he found out I liked him, especially after all this time… he’d be so disgusted._ And rightfully so. As far as Evan knew, Jared only ever seemed interested in girls, particularly Alana. Whenever Evan is talking with Alana, he notices Jared glancing over at them, his eyes scanning her.

  
Evan stares at Jared’s perfect face, soft with concern, a strand of brown hair curls over his forehead. Evan has an urge to brush it aside and stand on his tiptoes, then kiss his forehead, but he holds himself back, and tentatively pokes a finger out and pushes Jared’s glasses back up.

  
Jared wraps an arm around his shoulder, causing Evan to blush, but he hides his face. _God, SO embarrassing!_

  
He clears his throat. “So, uh, Connor! He seems, cool?”

  
Jared smirks. “If by cool you mean a total asshole, then yeah, sure! That guy is _always_ high. Weed is like fucking catnip for that stoner.”

  
Evan turns his head to look back to see if Connor is still there, but he’s gone. “What do you think Connor is on right now, anyway? That doesn’t seem like a weed-inflicted freakout.”

  
“You’re an expert on drugs now? Should I be concerned?” Jared laughs as Evan coughs uncomfortably.

  
“You… you know I like plants and stuff. Cannabis is particularly fascinating, due to its medical abilities, you know!” Evan gets excited, chattering happily. “But, really, what do you think he’s on?” He tilts his head, looking up at Jared.

  
“Squip, it seems,” Jared blurts out, then covers his mouth.

  
Evan blinks in confusion. “What the fuck is a Script?”

  
Jared’s eyes widen. “Actually, it’s squi-” He shrugs. “Erm, scripts are some pills, they make you fucking crazy!”

  
“How’d you know about it?” Evan asks, looking into Jared’s bright green eyes, nearly getting lost in their intensity.

  
He laughs awkwardly. “I heard about it somewhere, I don’t remember where.”  
Evan can tell he’s lying, but decides to not press him for answers.

  
The two walk for another twenty minutes, eventually arriving at Jared’s house. The two go upstairs to his bedroom, where the Playstation is set up. “Ready for me to kick your ass in Apocalypse of The Damned?” Jared grins, and Evan sticks out his tongue.

  
While they play, Evan notices Jared’s leg occasionally grazes against his own. The sensation sends shivers up his spine, but he knows there’s no meaning behind it, he’s just too caught up in busting some zombies, is all, Evan assures himself. That idea makes him feel strangely disappointed. He stares at Jared’s face, scrunched up in concentration, and Evan’s controller slowly slips from his hands.

  
Jared looks at him, puzzled. “You don’t want to play?” He asks, slowly turning to face Evan.  
Evan bites his lip, nervously. Jared leans in, causing Evan to turn bright red. He closes his eyes, but nothing touches his lips, just the warmth of Jared’s body against his, his arms on his back. “I know, you’re probably worried about Connor, aren’t you? He’ll be fine.”

  
Evan smiles awkwardly. “Yeah, heh, I felt kinda bad for him, everyone was staring at him.”

  
Jared ruffles Evan’s hair. “You care way too much about people, you stupid acorn.”  
Evan laughs, and gets the controller back. “Let’s get back to kicking some zombie ass!”

  
*.*.*.*.*

  
When they go back to school the next day, Evan feels concerned noticing Connor staring out the window during math in the desk next to him. He glances at the page, shocked to see he completed all the problems, all seemingly accurate.

  
“Murphy, if you’re finished, start working on your homework,” Mr. Gretch says, barely glancing up from his computer.

  
He nods and takes out his papers with a sarcastic “You got it, Gretchy,” which he doesn’t catch, due to his, well, his old man ears.

  
Evan muffles his laughter behind his hands, and Connor hears his snorting, glancing at his face. Evan notices how Connor’s hair looks, the sunlight from the windows causing his hair to look a bright reddish brown, his heart strangely fluttering at the sight.

  
Connor squints at him, and turns away. He jerks in his seat suddenly, something only Evan seems to notice, and Connor curses softly under his breath, and faces Evan again, a smirk playing at his lips. Connor suddenly brings his face close, and starting to bring his lips to Evan’s ear. “Listen… _hotass? What the fuck…”_

  
Evan jerks away as Connor jolts again, his face flushed. _What the hell?_

  
Connor grabs Evan’s shirt, causing him to nearly fall out of his chair. “Alright, hotass, I got tickets to see Eminem tonight, you in or not?”

  
Evan stares at Connor’s serious face, his eyes flickering cautiously between Evan’s.

  
Jared said he’s gonna be hanging with Alana later… he tries to ignore the envy he feels for Alana, getting to spend time with the insanely cool Jared Kleinman. He sighs. What the hell. Evan gives Connor a shy grin. “Yeah, I’m in.”

  
Connor balks at the kid’s response, he’d hardly been expecting him to agree, he’d only asked in the first place to get a respite from the relentless shocking he’d been subjected to since yesterday afternoon.

  
“You’re in?” Connor loosens his grip on his shirt some and tilts his head, but is quickly reminded to act smoother, cooler, with another zap to the base of his spine. _You fucker._ “I mean of course you’re in. Uh.. why wouldn’t you be?”

  
“Sure, I mean I’m free and it’s Friday so. I’m in?” Blue eyes positively glitter, equal parts excitement and confusion evident.

  
_Perfect_. Connor thinks, addressing his new companion in the form of his Squip. _Now I actually have to see Eminem. Thanks a lot, asshole._ “Great.”

  
“Great!”

  
Connor shuffles back into his seat and takes up his pen, still peering across the desk at the complete stranger he’d just asked to a shitty concert. “Good.”

  
_‘Stop slouching.’_ Comes the detached voice, followed instantly by another sharp electrical pulse. Connor slams his palm on the table and clenches his jaw, reluctantly straightening his spine and offering a forced smile to his classmate.

  
“You okay?” The kid’s brow is pinched with worry, all traces of that innocent little smile gone.

  
Connor grits his teeth and exhales shakily as the pain ebbs away. “Trapped nerve. A pain in the fuckin’ ass.”

  
_‘Hey! Just trying to help.’_

  
Biting back the urge to spit a scathing retort, Connor closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, mentally counting to ten.

  
“I could actually help with that? I mean I’m kind of a plant.. expert I guess. Long story, but I might be able to search up some home remedies to help with the pain?”

  
“Do you always end every sentence as if you’re asking a question?” Connor mutters, and is met with a dejected expression.  
An electrical buzz builds again, the threat of another shock imminent. “Wait!” Connor panics, hands shooting out in front of him and pulling the most puzzled expression from the guy across from him. “It’s.. it’s cute.”  
And with that the buzz is gone. Close call.

  
_‘See? You’re learning already.’_

  
“Fuck you.” Connor mutters, quickly realising he’d voiced his thoughts aloud. “For.. being so cute I mean.” _God, did I just say that?_

  
“Oh..” His classmate’s face flames, a blush quickly spreading from the tip of one ear to the other. It looks like he wants the ground to swallow him, and in honesty, Connor can relate. “Well, thanks.. I guess.”

  
An uncomfortable silence engulfs them then, and just as Connor is about to turn back to his desk and fill in the pages of his homework, that parasite is back with more advice he never asked for.

  
_‘Connor. Aren’t you forgetting something?’_

  
With a puzzled expression, Connor glances over his shoulder and at the desk of his classmate in case he’d left a pen behind.

_‘His name. You don’t know his name.’_

  
“Oh.. Connor.” He offers his hand between them and fixes the kid with a pointed stare, a tiny smile playing on his lips. Connor can’t help but notice the way the other scrubs his palm on his jeans before he accepts the handshake, nervous jitters obvious in his every action.

  
And silence is his response. _Is this kid stupid?_

“And you are?” Connor prompts, trying his utmost best to be polite and not let his temper get the best of him.

  
“Oh! S-sorry, it’s Evan!” Evan’s voice is part whisper, part squeak, and it catches Connor briefly off guard. Okay that was fucking adorable.

  
“So I’ll pick you up at what.. five?”

  
“Yeah!” Evan blurts his agreement far too enthusiastically and it brings a brief smile to Connor’s face. “I- I mean, that.. that sounds good! Four would be way too early and I’m guessing the show starts at seven so six would be a little too late, five sounds-“

  
The bell chimes and Connor jumps to his feet, instantly losing all interest in anything Evan has to say. Once the signal rings to signal the end of school, he no longer cares about anything but going to the park and drowning out the world, earphones in and blunt in hand.

  
“You’re leaving?” Evan looks downright wounded, and Connor only smiles. _Cute_. “But you don’t even.. I didn’t give you my address..”

  
“I have my ways of finding out. Later man!” Connor doesn’t turn back, and he’s out through the fire door before any of his classmates have even finished packing their belongings away.

  
“What the fuck kinda name is hotass?” Connor mumbles to himself, fishing in his pockets for his blessed baggie of weed.

  
_‘It worked, didn’t it?’_

  
He shrugs, balancing a rizla between his fingers and poking the tiny buds around until they’re nicely spread out across the paper. “Barely. Made me sound like an idiot.”

  
_‘What do you think you’re doing? I thought we agreed, no to drugs.’_

  
“Uh.. I would _never_ agree to that.” Connor laughs, but cuts himself off with a muffled yelp, a shock to the wrist forcing him to fling his unfinished spliff into a puddle. “Hey what the shit? That’s expensive! And that was the last of it, asshole.”

  
_‘You’re welcome.’_

***

  
Evan frowns as he watches Connor walk away, completely losing his interest in him. _Then again, who in their right mind would even want to be talking to me unless they had to?_ Evan stuffed his hands in his pockets, slumping his shoulders, unnaturally disappointed by Connor’s actions.

  
Evan grows pink as he remembers how Connor spoke to him. _Was that… flirting? No, no way…_ Evan shakes away his thoughts. _Nobody would ever be interested in a guy like me. Speaking of…_ Evan plasters on a fake smile as he spots Jared by his locker.

  
“Why are you all blushing, acorn?” Jared smirks, and Evan turns even redder at Jared pointing it out.

  
“I… uh…”

  
“Acorn? What happened?” Jared cocks his head to the side, stepping ever so slightly towards Evan.

  
Evan pauses. _What did just happen?_ “I… well… I’m not really sure? I think… I think I just got asked out on a date.”

  
Jared raises his eyebrows. “A… date?”

  
Evan nods. _Is Jared judging me? Does he think nobody would ever want to ask me out? I mean, he wouldn’t be wrong…_

  
“Who’s the lucky lady?” Jared smiles, but Evan can tell there’s a slight bit of… hurt?

  
“Um…” Evan chews on the inside of his cheek and wrings his hands nervously. “Uh… Connor?” His voice rises into a question as it always does when he’s nervous, and he looks away.

  
Jared coughs. “I see! I didn’t realize Connor swung that way, I guess…” He looks away, too. “Or you,” he adds, barely loud enough for Evan to hear.

  
“Yeah, um, he’s picking me up at five… we’re seeing an Eminem concert.”

  
Jared bursts into laughter. “Eminem? Fucking _Eminem?_ Jesus! If he wants romance, he sure as hell fucked up this first date!”

  
Evan cracks a smile. _He probably doesn’t want romance. Maybe a stoner buddy or something. Why else would he want a loser like me?_

“Well, I better go home, then… I only have two hours to get ready, so…”

  
“Right, yeah.”

  
Jared awkwardly claps a hand on his shoulder. “Well, have fun, and uh…” Jared scratches the back of his head. “Be careful? Please don’t get wasted, and if he tries to touch you, then-”

  
Evan slams a hand over Jared’s mouth. “He’s not gonna be like that! I’ll be fine!” Evan insists, but he still has his doubts, too.

  
The two part ways, and Evan heads home nervously. _This is gonna be hell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, we really hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> This is going to be updated regularly, so please keep your eyes peeled for new chapters! Next time we’ll see how Connor and Evan’s first little ‘date’ goes. 
> 
> Find us on tumblr and feel free to shoot across a message <3 
> 
> god-hes-such-a-loser.tumblr.com 
> 
> jasontheninja.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2 - Two Friends on a Perfect Date

_‘Shouldn’t you be getting ready? For your date?’_ The human embodiment of his Squip leans against the doorframe, smooth, and oozing cool. He took the form of some old dude Connor swore he’d seen before in Jurassic Park, apparently he’d had the option to customise his appearance but had dismissed it with a ‘Whatever the fuck you want.’

“Would you stop calling this a date? If you didn’t zap me every thirty seconds I wouldn’t even be going to this thing.” Connor spins twice on his computer chair, attempting to balance a pen on his nose as he does so. “Besides, I’m ready to go. Look at the time, jackass, it’s just a waiting game now.”

The Squip straightens and saunters over to him, taking a strand of his hair between his fingertips with a grimace. _‘This won’t do. You need a shower, and you’ve been sitting in those clothes all day.’_

“Make me.” The words are out before he can stop them, and half a second later he’s shooting from his seat with a Yelp after another shock to the spine. Connor snatches up a towel as he stalks to the bathroom, defeated. “You know you’re really starting to piss me off with that.”

 

******

 

Evan opens the door to see his mother drinking coffee on the couch, reading. She lifts her head when the door opens, getting up to greet him, but Evan ignores her, lost in thought.

He goes upstairs, rummaging through his closet. _Do I wear this? Do I wear a suit? No, it’s a concert… I don’t even like Eminem, so I don’t have any merchandise… should I go out and buy something? Or is that trying too hard?_

After five minutes, a pile of nearly all of Evan’s clothes are on the floor. Something in the back catches his eye, and Evan reaches for the fabric, pulling out an old button-down Jared once lent him. Evan tries it on, and looks at himself in the mirror. _I guess this will have to do,_ he thinks with a shrug.

Minutes tick by, and it’s four minutes past five when the doorbell rings, and Evan sprints to get it.

“Connor, hey!” Evan chirps, a little too cheerfully, he mentally chastises himself for that. _Well, this is shitty already._

“Hey, Ev-“

_‘too casual. It’s Evan. Apologise for being late.’_

“-an.. I’m sorry for being.. _four minutes are you fucking kidding me?_ OW!” Connor jerks from his brooding mood with the painful zap and sighs, noting the look of utter bewilderment on Evan’s face.

_Thanks for making me look like a complete freak. Again._

“Is the uh.. the trapped nerve giving you trouble?” Evan asks with a lilt of concern in his tone, peering up at him with unnecessary pity in his eyes.

“Wha- oh, yeah. Real big trouble.” Connor mumbles with an averted gaze. “You ready to go?”

Evan only nods, his movements drawn tight with anxiety. No sooner had he pulled his jacket from the hook, had a blonde woman joined them at the door with a beaming smile. “Evan, sweetie.. are ya going out?”

“Oh I.. forgot to mention, mom. Connor and I are seeing Eminem tonight.” There’s an adorable flush on Evan’s cheeks which Connor can’t seem to take his eyes from.

Or perhaps he just doesn’t wanna look his mom in the eyes to save himself the embarrassment; here Evan is, well-dressed and smart in his button down and pressed jeans, while Connor dons a frayed old denim jacket and torn black jeans.

When Connor’s gaze does dart to the woman, she’s eyeing him up and down with a hand on Evan’s shoulder as if to protect him.

_‘Speak. Reassure her.’_

“Y-Yeah. Eminem. I’ll have him back right after the show. Don’t worry.”

Connor’s heart sinks when she purses her lips and gives him one last once over, realising she’s likely thinking what everyone else seems to think of him. _Freak. Psycho. Or the latest joke, school shooter._

“Well… alright. It’ll be good for you! Going out with your new buddy.” She playfully punches Evan’s shoulder, he looks like he wants to die of embarrassment and Connor can’t contain the huff of laughter which escapes him.

“Come on, we’re gonna miss the show. It was nice to meet you, Evan’s mom.” Connor hooks his hand in the crook of Evan’s elbow and leads him down the driveway to his car, trying to appear every inch the respectable friend, lest he get another shock for slouching or sulking.

“Bye sweetie!”

A groan parts Evan’s lips and he turns beet red as he sinks into the passenger seat, his head buried in his hands. “She’s _so_ embarrassing? I’m so sorry about her, she’s.. her sole purpose is to embarrass me in front of everyone she meets.”

“Don’t sweat it. You ready?” Connor tries hard not to think about the way Evan’s mom looked at them, and tries even harder not to wish he had a mom who worried as much as she did.

_‘Compliment him.’_

“Oh.. you look-“ This is uncharted territory for Connor, and he fumbles for something to say. “-really uh.. I like your shirt.”

“My shirt? Thanks, I.. like yours too.” Connor smiles at that, Evan is such a little dork.

_‘Is that really your best compliment? God I really have a lot of work to do with you.’_

“You look fucking amazing, okay?” _Happy?_

Evan falls silent and bites his lip to contain a smile, his head bowed. The two of them drive in comfortable silence for a while, Evan turned to face the window and Connor wondering what the hell he’s doing with tickets to an Eminem concert.

The tickets came available yesterday and Connor’s Squip has convinced him it’d be more than worth the five hundred bucks they cost, just for an opportunity to make a friend. He’d never planned on taking Evan, the guy was just in the right place at the right time he guessed.

Connor squints as he focuses on the road and wonders whether this was the plan for Squip all along. But if so, why a dorky little tree expert? Wasn’t the point of this entire exercise to climb the social ladder?

“Are you a big fan?” Evan breaks his thoughts with a shy question, picking at his fingernails. “My mom used to be.. kinda.. she sang along to some of his songs when they came on the radio but I never saw the appeal.”

He freezes then, seemingly stuttering and stammering in his rush to correct his mistake. “Th- that wasn’t meant to be.. to be rude.. I’m excited- _really_ excited! I’m s-sorry if I came across uninterested, I’m really-“

“It’s cool.” Connor speaks in an unusually calm tone and even surprises himself. Something he can’t quite put his finger on is calming, Evan’s entire presence doing wonders for his usual brooding mood. “Nah, I’m not a fan at all, actually.”

Evan laughs nervously, but swiftly cuts himself off when he sees Connor’s raised brow. “Oh, you’re serious? Then why-“

“Why not?” Connor smirks, briefly turning to Evan before fixing his eyes on the road. “You excited to see me rap the words wrong?”

 _“Definitely!”_ That makes Evan laugh wholeheartedly and Connor follows suit, realising that this must be the first time he’s laughed in months. And all without the help of the supercomputer nestled in his brain.

Pulling his car into the parking lot of the stadium, he switches off the engine and hops out without another word. “Come on, tree boy! We’re already late, support band is playing!” _And shit, they sound terrible!_

“I’m coming!” Just as Evan hops out of the car, Connor pulls a bottle of whiskey from the trunk, stolen from his parent’s alcohol cabinet. “H-how did you get that? Fake I.D?”

“Guess you’ll never know.” Connor teases and screws off the lid. It’s not often he drinks, he much prefers the blissed-out feeling weed gives him but he isn’t certain that would suit the night’s mood. He takes one swig and grimaces at the burn down his throat. Maybe this was a bad idea. “Holy shit that sucks. Your turn.”

Evan’s eyes widen, his entire body stiffening. “M-me? Okay.. I guess..” _Fuck, he’s adorable._ For reasons he can’t decipher, Connor finds his gaze following the bottle to Evan’s lips and watching as he takes a larger-than-expected gulp. Immediately he begins spluttering, and Connor breaks out into laughter, taking the bottle back.

“Not so nice without a chaser, huh? It won’t be so bad soon. Promise.” Connor smirks and rubs a palm up and down the other’s back.

The Squip’s voice comes, indecipherable and in Japanese. “Oh for- fuck.” _That’s right. Drinking weirds the stupid thing out._ “Hey, Evan- do you know any Japanese?”

“Japanese?” He’s looking at him dumbfounded, and why wouldn’t he be? “Uh.. n-no, I don’t. But I do have google translate on my phone? What- what are you trying to say?”

“Power off.” Connor blurts, pinching the bridge of his nose. The thing is chattering incessantly like some overlapping anime soundtrack and he almost wants to tear his own ears inside out.

“It says here that it’s den.. Dengenwokiru?” Evan chuckles lightly and looks up at Connor, grinning. “Why?”

“Dengenwokiru, dick.” The instant the words are out there’s quiet in his mind, despite his terrible pronunciation. He knows it’s only temporary, but it’s enough for now. “Just some dumb game I’ve been playing, I forgot the word.”

“Why would you need that now?” Connor purses his lips before forcing a smile, trying to get Evan to drop the subject.

He thrusts the bottle into his hands and watches him smile nervously with a grin plastered on his own face. “Doesn’t matter. Drink up! We can’t take it inside with us.”

They pass the bottle between them until it’s half empty, and Connor knows it’s a terrible idea to finish the whole thing. The two of them are already flush-faced and giggling, passing the bottle back and forth clumsily.

“C’mon handsome.” Connor slurs, leading the way to the stadium with a sway in his step. He’s half wasted, and he knows Evan is in a worse state; he’s grinning and stumbling, and Connor wraps an arm around his waist for support.

“ _Handsome_?” The word comes much too loud for shy little Evan, alcohol clearly easing his anxiety some.

“You wish!” Connor all but shrieks, prodding Evan’s ribs. “I said.. I said Hansen. _Hansen.”_

Evan blinks and drops his gaze. _Right. Of course, he said Hansen. Nobody would ever call me handsome. Fuck. Not even Jared…_ Evan could feel tears prick his eyes. _Great. I’m an emotional drunk. This is gonna be fantastic._ He gritted his teeth, turning away to pinch his nose, the way he gets himself to stop crying without others noticing how weak he is.

Walking in silence, the two make their way to seats, Evan fidgeting uncomfortably at the height, bringing back memories of falling from that tree.

The crowd goes wild as Eminem makes his way to the stage, smoke and neon lights, a cocky grin on his face as he greets the audience.

“He’s _so_ fuckin’ overrated,” Connor grumbles, resting his face in his hands.

Evan giggles drunkenly and dramatically shushes him, making Connor chuckle.

The two turn their attention to the rapper, but not really focusing on him. Connor relaxes a bit in his seat, and Evan lets the thumping bass flow through his bones, the electronic noises making his skin tingle. He closes his eyes, losing himself in the hypnotic music he hates.

Evan feels something warm touch his leg, and he opens his eyes to see Connor’s hand on his knee. Evan stares at it, shocked.

“Shit, sorry,” Connor pulls his hand back. A surge of confidence fills Evan, and he offers Connor a small smile.

“Don’t be. I liked it.”

Connor’s eyebrows raise, and he reaches for Evan’s hand, who holds it tightly.

The feeling of Connor’s hand in his own makes him almost giddy. Evan turns to look at Connor’s relaxed expression. _Fuck, he’s really hot._

He tries to focus on the music, looking back at the rapper, but something about the feeling of Connor’s hand in his own makes his stomach fill with butterflies, and his mind is jumbled from the alcohol. A small voice is trying to remind him of Jared, but for some reason, it begins to be drowned out by thoughts of the extremely attractive man next to him. He turns to look again at Connor, who moves a bit closer to Evan, while keeping his eyes fixed on Eminem.

He sighs, but his breath is interrupted by the unfamiliar feeling of lips pressed on his. _Holy shit._

Connor presses forward into the kiss, not quite sure who instigated it. All he knows is that kissing Evan doesn’t feel awkward in the slightest, though he’s fully aware it’s likely the alcohol talking. He’s still holding Evan’s hand, which he squeezes tightly in attempts to relax him.

Evan isn’t kissing back, and when Connor opens his eyes he’s met with a wide-eyed stare. _Fuck.. fuck! I fucked it up!_ With a gasp he pulls back, his own gaze flickering back and forth between Evan’s eyes in search of an explanation for what the fuck just happened.

“Shit that was.. _way_ outta line. I’m so sorry Ev-“ Connor yells over the boom of bass, wondering why Evan looks so hurt. “Let’s pretend that never happened!”

“What?” Evan yells, his brow pinches and he reaches for Connor’s other hand. God he’s wasted, and that just makes what Connor did even worse! The kid’s eyes are glazed and unfocused as he leans closer. “No no no!” And that’s when the track ends.

“Kiss me again!” Evan positively bellows with a slur sullying his speech, and he’s certain Eminem himself must have heard it from the stage.

His entire face turns red, and Evan sinks in his seat in his embarrassment. Though Connor isn’t sure why, the cheering was so loud now that surely only the people in their seat block would have heard.

Tears stream down Connor’s cheeks and he slaps his palm on his thigh, laughing uncontrollably at sweet little Evan’s embarrassment.

“‘S not funny, Connor!” Evan slurs, cheeks crimson. Connor only pouts and takes his hand once more to drag him from his seat toward the exit. “Wha-“

“I hate Eminem. I hate those shitty budget seats, and I hate the guy behind me kicking the back of my shitty budget seat.” Connor begins to explain as they stumble on past security and into the parking lot. “Only thing I don’t hate ‘s you.”

_“Me?”_

“Yes, _you.”_ Now it’s Connor’s turn to blush, even over the colouring the alcohol already gives him. How does he begin to explain that the only reason he kissed Evan was that he looked so calm and innocent and untouchable as he closed his eyes and let the music just wash over him? How does he convey the rush of affection he felt when Evan squeezed his hand just ever so slightly?

And now he’s staring up at him, swaying on his feet with this insufferable sloppy grin that Connor just wants to kiss off his stupid face.

They’ve reached the car and he realises he’s half wasted- there’s absolutely no way he can drive like this. Their only other option is to call a cab, and so they stand awkwardly in wait for one to pass by.

“Can I kiss you?” Connor actually asks this time, quiet and shy.

Evan doesn’t _actually_ respond. He just fists a hand in the front of his shirt and yanks him down, immediately covering Connor’s lips with his own. A heart Connor once thought dead begins to swell, and he brings his hands to perch on narrow hips.

Their lips slide softly and it’s difficult to think of a time he felt more alive and energised. Soon he’s crowding Evan against the car, the fingers of one hand threading into short hair. Evan’s clutching at him like his life depends on it, and surprisingly he’s the one who dares to deepen the kiss.

He nips at Connor’s lower lip and takes advantage of the tiny gasp it elicits, pulling him in and tracing the tip of his tongue along his own. Before Connor can properly enjoy his first kiss, Evan pulls abruptly back and pales, eyes wide.

“Ev?” Connor questions breathlessly. _Did I fuck it up? Again?_ “What’s-“

“Don’t.. I don’t feel so good.” Evan states before stumbling around the other side of the car, heaving the entire contents of his stomach on Connor’s tyres. _Ah, fuck._

Connor grimaces and kneads Evan’s back until he’s finished, feeling entirely awful for making him drink so much. He can’t go home to his mom like this, Connor would be dead meat if any of her earlier judgement was anything to go by.

“Aw.. hey. I’m not that bad of a kisser.. am I?” Connor jokes softly, a sad smile on his face. Evan only groans and tucks his head against his neck. Not surprisingly, he’s limp and exhausted, and Connor all but has to carry him to the cab when it arrives. “You’re okay, bud. Let’s get you home.”

Evan feels sick and barely registers the feeling of Connor picking him up. In the cab, he leans against his warm body, the rough denim of Connor’s jacket rubbing against his face.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Connor murmurs as Evan snuggles closer.

“I’m… sorry.. I fucked up our…” Evan is cut off when he sees Connor looking down at him affectionately, stroking his hair gently. Connor shakes his head, a bit of a smile creeping on his face.

“Please, you were perfect. I shouldn’t have made you drink so damn much.”

“No… it was me…” Evan manages, his eyes growing heavy, the steady beat of Connor’s heart lulling him to sleep.

Evan’s eyes open slightly when he feels himself being carefully placed down on his bed. He recognizes Connor’s face, soft with concern.

“Hey, Ev, sleep tight, okay?”

“Mmnn…” Evan groans, still feeling a bit nauseous. “Stay…” he whispers, half-heartedly raising a hand, extending his fingers in the direction of Connor.

Connor looks shocked, then nods. “Okay.”

He sits on the bed by his side as Evan lightly holds onto his hand, barely aware of how needy he must be acting, drifting off to sleep again.

Connor heaves a sigh. What could have been the perfect evening turned into a fucking disaster; Evan will likely hate him come morning and anything Connor felt when he was kissing him would be gone. “The fuck Connor?”

Evan’s passed out in his bed wasted and there’s no doubt his parents will question it; branding him a terrible influence when a stranger comes to the breakfast table with a hangover.

Connor’s eyes drift to Evan, drinking him in. He’s adorable this way, his brow pinched just ever so slightly and lips slightly parted. The soft huffs of breath were the only thing to split the silence and Connor idly wonders when the damn Squip will make an appearance again. _Hopefully I’ve drowned it in whiskey._

Looking over him again, Connor sees that Evan’s managed to puke down his own shirt and grimaces when he realises he can’t sleep that way all night. _Goddamnit._

Hesitantly, Connor lets go of Evan’s hand and lets it fall limp over the side of the mattress. He tries to manoeuvre him gently enough that he doesn’t wake him, making swift work of buttons and slipping the shirt down his arms. Soon it’s free enough to tug it from underneath him, and suddenly Connor feels all out of sorts.

It wasn’t right of him to be stripping a guy, passed out in his bed. “Don’t kill me tomorrow, alright?” Connor slurs and tucks a strand of hair behind Evan’s ear, still drunk. He’s certain he wouldn’t want to be left in a vomit soaked shirt anyway.

Once he’s tucked the blanket around his waist again, Connor shakes his head with a small smile and stands, ready to throw the shirt in the laundry. Wait. Just as he shakes the sleeves out, Connor catches sight of a scribble on the label.

_J. Kleinman._

“What the..” So they’re sharing clothes? A possessive coil winds its way around his gut and Connor frowns, not entirely sure what it means. It’s not like they’re dating, but he doesn’t like the fact Evan is in the guy’s clothes.

 _Stop being so fucking stupid._ Just as quickly as the thought entered his head, he shakes it away and tosses the shirt in the laundry.

Connor’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he clumsily tugs it free, scowling at the caller ID. Speak of the fucking devil, and look who appears.

“Jared. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He drawls, his drunkenness obvious.

“Where the fuck is Evan? He was due home hours ago, and no word. His phone is off, and you’re the last person he met.”

Connor sighs, dropping into his computer chair and gazing at the boy in his bed with a pensive expression. “What the fuck are you talking about, Kleinman, he’s-“

“I knew it. You’re a fucking psychopath. What did you do to him?”

“Oh my _god.”_ Connor laughs and taps the option to share video, turning the camera to Evan. “He’s fine, see?” Silence came next, and Jared hung up. _Jeez, no goodbye?_

Chuckling to himself, Connor makes himself comfortable on the floor beside the bed and sees Evan’s hand when he looks up. It was one thing to wake up shirtless in bed with no recollection of how, Connor didn’t want to freak Ev out even more by clambering in next to him. “G’night, sleepy head.” He whispers, and he reaches up to thread their fingers together.

 

******

 

Jealousy spreads quickly through Jared like a forest fire as he sees the live camera of Evan passed out, fucking shirtless. _They fucked… Connor…_ Evan didn’t want to be with Jared, why would he? Evan is adorable while Jared is just a computer nerd. Fuming, he presses the ‘end call’ button, feeling like he’s going to start crying.

“Agh!” He exclaims, slamming his fist down on his desk, causing it to shake. _I can’t believe Connor went out with Evan. God. Why the hell did I let this happen?_ Jared’s eyes shift to the picture of him and Evan sitting in a frame on his desk, and a slight smile tugs at his lips. Setting down his glasses, Jared pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance with both himself and that damn Connor. With a heavy sigh, Jared opens his Skype on his laptop and contacts Alana, his only other friend.

“Hey, what’s up?” Her perkiness somehow makes Jared feel even worse.

“Al, do y’know Connor? Connor Murphy?”

“Hm? Yeah, the stoner guy, right? He’s my lab partner. Why?” Anxiety creeps into her voice. “Did something happen?” Alana picks up a bottle of water, taking a long gulp.

Jared groans. “Well, he took Evan out on a date.”

Alana chokes, coughing, water droplets spraying on her computer screen. “Say _what?”_ She shouts, making Jared wince as she wipes her screen dry.

“And um…” Jared lowers his voice. “Connor brought Evan back home, and I think they screwed.” He whacks his head on his desk. “I’m so fucking sick of having a crush on that dumb acorn,” he grumbles.

“Uh… what makes you think that?” Alana asked delicately, trying to not upset Jared further.

“Well, we had a live chat and he showed me Evan, passed out, _shirtless.”_ The last word comes out like a growl.

“I mean… Connor could’ve just been, like, undressing Evan so he wouldn’t sleep in his regular clothes?”

Jared can practically see the uncertainty in her voice, but he chooses to act like it’s helpful. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thanks, Al.”

She frowns. “Feel better, I guess?”

He ends the call, shutting his computer. A thought dawns on him. _Oh god… what if… what if Connor took advantage of him?_ Jared’s hands form fists, his nails digging into the skin, leaving red crescents in his palm. _No. Connor wouldn’t do that… right? No. It was definitely consensual._ Tears form, starting to spill down his face. _Motherfucker._

Jared pushes himself back from his desk, swiveling around in his desk chair, getting up, making his way to the bathroom. He clutches the sink, feeling the room spin, taking shaky breaths. _Calm down, calm down, calm down._

He turns on the faucet, cupping his hands under the stream of water, throwing it on his face. Jared grits his teeth at the shock of the icy-cold water. _Evan wouldn’t even like me anyway, so what if he likes Connor? At least Connor doesn’t look like a fucking nerd._

Something sparkly catches his eye, and Jared slowly turns his head to see a bath bomb, innocently resting on the edge of the bathtub. _Fuck this shit._ He stalks over to it, grabbing the gritty ball in his hands, taking a huge bite in his anger.

The taste fills his mouth, something fruity, yet artificial, sour and bitter. He feels it fizz in his mouth. With a grimace, he swallows the horrid piece.

Not even a heartbeat later, Jared turns to the toilet, vomiting it as he squeezes the rest of the bath bomb in his hand, crumbling into a glittery pink powder.

His phone buzzes, startling him. Without a second thought, he slides the notification to the side, opening up the messaging app.

Tiredly, Jared glances at the screen, his eyes widening when he sees the picture, Connor grinning into the camera, holding Evan’s unconscious hand in his, the blond’s bare chest showing. _That asshole!_

He considers typing an angry reply, but instead turns off his phone. Jared glares annoyed at the powder on the tiled floor. Well, that was a waste. He scoops as much as he can into his hand, dumping it into the toilet, flushing it and the puke down.

Jared heads to bed, his last waking thought of that stupid Connor kissing his precious Evan.


	3. Two-Player Game

Evan groans as he wakes, his head pounding, the pain he felt when he broke his arm pales in comparison to this. He rubs his eyes, noticing a note on the bed next to him. ‘Hey, when you wake, call me? (xxx)-xxx-xxxx -Connor’ He vaguely remembers Connor helping him home, but why? The bright electronic clock catches his eye. 12:47.

 _Why was Connor_ here? He blindly fumbles for his cell phone, grasping it on his third try. He squints, the harsh light hurting his eyes and head. He types in the number from the note. The phone rings once before Connor’s voice comes through. “Hey, Ev, you feeling okay?”

Evan clenches his eyes shut, trying to shut out the painful light. “Ugh… yeah. Ish. Um… what happened, Connor?” There’s a long pause, and Evan sweats, thinking he hurt Connor’s feelings. “Uh-”

“We went out.” He replies, his voice clipped.

“Oh. Um. I see.” Evan is at a lack of words. _That’s right. I went out on a date. With Connor._ “Uh… what did we do?” He asks, nervously running his fingers through his short hair.

Another pause. “We saw an Eminem concert. It kinda sucked.”

“And… we got drunk.”

“Yup.”

“Um… anything else?”

Connor gulps on the other end. “Nope. Gotta go, this hangover is a pain in the ass. See you monday, dude.”

Evan lets his phone fall with a soft thump on his blanket. _Why the fuck did we see Eminem?_

******

Connor throws his stress ball, bouncing it off the wall and catching it effortlessly again. He’s been doing this for the past hour, lost deep in thought and ruminating on the events of last night. His memory is hazy but from what he remembers he actually kissed Evan Hansen. His first kiss in a run-down parking lot after an Eminem gig. Who woulda thought it?

 _‘Seems you’ve been busy in my absence.’_ Comes the familiar voice, and Connor almost throws himself from his chair in shock as his squip materialises before him. _‘We’ll have to work on your self-control, you can’t just power me down and get drunk whenever you feel like it. It’s counteractive to this entire process.’_

 _“Counterac_ \- I shut you down yesterday for a reason. You’re annoying the fucking life outta me, piss off!” Connor still isn’t over the scare of having him appear unannounced, and clutches at his chest.

 _‘Having said that, I’m impressed. Yesterday was a huge step, and you took it further than I ever planned to.’_ Connor’s chest briefly swells with pride, when was the last time someone told him they were impressed by his actions or even remotely happy with him?

He catches himself as a smile begins to form, and quickly schools his expression. “Yeah well, I think I’ve proved that I don’t need you anymore, so leave. Power down.”

 _‘Ah, Ah.’_ The Squip taunts in a sing-song tone, clasping his hands behind his back. _‘There are another eighteen hours and twenty-three minutes until you’re authorised to power me down again. I’m here to help you, Connor.’_ Connor groans and he launches the ball at the squip’s smug face, watching as it phases right through him and comes rebounding from the wall.

“Your job is done, old man. I feel much better, your purpose is fulfilled. Leave me alone.”

 _‘You feel better, yes. But that’s because I’ve been altering the levels of dopamine and serotonin in your brain- slowly of course, so it doesn’t cause a shock to your system.’_ The Squip looks pleased with himself, but Connor feels as if he’s been punched in the gut. So.. his newfound mood is.. _fake?_ His mood swings have been few and far between, and though he’s been his usual sulking, brooding self, for the first time since he can remember, Connor has felt relatively happy.

“So fuck off and let me do it on my own. I never asked for your help.” Connor growls, squeezing the stress ball so tightly that his nails pierce it. “I didn’t have your help yesterday and I still kissed Evan. More than once.”

“Holy shit.” A voice from behind him in the doorway and Connor pales, jumping to his feet and facing his sister with wide, fearful eyes. _Fuck.. she’ll tell mom.. she’ll tell dad.. she’ll tell_ everyone. “You kissed Evan? Evan Hansen?”

“Zoe..” Connor growls and takes a threatening step toward her, tossing his stress ball aside. His face is flaming and he struggles to process his thoughts, with Zoe standing there looking all smug and taunting it’s difficult to keep a hold on his rising temper. “I don’t know what you heard, but it wasn’t that.”

“Sure it wasn’t.” Zoe taps on her phone and starts playing a recording of the past few minutes. _Shit._ “I heard you talking to yourself like a _complete_ basket case, and I needed the evidence so I could prove to mom that you definitely need to be sectioned.”

“I still kissed Evan. More than once.” Comes Connor’s voice on the recording, and his resolve cracks. With a deafening roar, he launches himself at Zoe who tears down the hall and down the stairs, where their parents are sitting in complete silence for lunch.

“Mom, I think Connor has something he needs to tell you.” Connor hears Zoe in that sing-song tone he hates, and he pales with the realisation of what’s about to come.

He thunders down the stairs and into the kitchen with a furious scowl, tearing the phone from his sisters hands. “Fucking bitch! She’s lying!” Connor shrieks, and in a moment of panic he launches her phone at the ground, crushing it with his heel in five hard stomps.

“Connor what the fuck!”

“Connor! You’d better have a decent explanation for this!” _Of course it’s my fault, mom. Of course Zoe didn’t ask for this._

“The only explanation I need to give you is that Zoe is a fucking asshole.”

“Aw Con.” Zoe juts her bottom lip in a pout and taunts him. “It’s okay that you’re gay, we won’t judge.” That does it. Before Connor realises what he’s doing, he’s already launched himself at Zoe once more in attempt to tackle her, but is swiftly stopped by two strong arms hauling him backwards.

“Stop it, both of you!” Their dad bellows and spins to put himself between the two bickering siblings, and Connor supposes he puts Zoe’s words down to nothing more than that. Just words. _Doesn’t make her any less of an asshole._

Connor doesn’t stick around to be lectured or chastised, before his dad can say anything else he’s stomping back to his room to grab his coat, bag and phone, then out the door.

He ignores the parasite in his head, and only grits his teeth with every single shock he receives as he skins up a joint. Fuck popularity, fuck being cool. All he wants to do is grant himself a blissful high and enjoy his Saturday, alone and chilled out.

_‘I understand you’re unhappy. But getting high isn’t going to fix any of this.’_

“Fuck you. This is all your fucking fault. Get out of my head!”

_‘My fault? You do realise you didn’t have to speak aloud. I can hear your thoughts, if you would have just thought your little tantrum instead of talking, this entire situation could have been avoided.’_

“Fuck. You.” Connor lights his spliff with a grunt as he’s zapped again, tears pooling in his eyes from the pain.

_‘Think of Evan. You think he’ll be happy you’re getting stoned?’_

“Nice try, dick. But I don’t give a fuck about Evan.” Connor lies, and soon receives another shock.

_‘I have access to your thoughts and emotions, Connor. I’ll remind you again that you can’t lie to me.’_

Without another word, Connor takes a long drag of his much-needed joint and punches Jared’s number into his phone, shooting off a text he hopes will help him.

 **To:** Jare

 **MSG:** This thing you sold me is fucked up. How do I get it out?

The stupid thing is beginning to glitch again, half English half Japanese and driving Connor insane. “Power off.. just fucking- Power off!” _That’s right._ There’s almost a whole day he has to put up with this insufferable ‘helping’ before he gets a moments respite again.

Connor sinks down against a tree and sighs, attempting to ignore the voices in his ears. Maybe some company will help, at least then he can focus on something other than the squip and it’s unnecessary need to make his life worse.

 **To:** Tree Dork

 **MSG:** Hey Ev, you free today? It’s Connor.

******

Evan nearly dropped his phone when the text came through from Connor, asking to hang out. He could feel a blush growing on his cheeks as he typed a response.

 **To:** Con

 **MSG:** Sure, location?

Almost instantaneously, his phone pinged with another message.

 **From:** Con

 **MSG:** Park, be there in an hour

Evan takes a deep breath as he shuts off his phone. _Oh my god, is this date number two?_ He can already feel himself panicking. He can hardly remember anything from last night, this was sure to be a huge mistake. Evan hurriedly gets ready, running a comb through his hair. _Why am I getting so particular about my appearance? This can’t be a date.. Right?_

He paces anxiously, grabbing his phone again, his fingers fly across the screen of his phone, dialing Jared’s number. Maybe he can help me calm down or something. “Hey, acorn.” A sleepy voice comes through, and Evan hesitates, wondering if he should bother his friend after all.

“Um, sorry if I woke you, I need advice?” He squeaks nervously, his hands sweating.

“Yeah okay, what’s up?”

“Well…” He takes another breath. “I think Connor asked me out on another date?” Evan panics as there’s a long pause from the other end. “Jar-”

Jared clears his throat. “Okay, why are you coming to me for this?” Evan halts, mid-step. Why did he come to Jared exactly?

“I’m pretty nervous I guess, plus I have like zero memory from our date last night, so…”

“You… don’t remember anything?” Jared’s voice sounds cold yet scared, making Evan uncomfortable. “Did Connor _drug_ you?” He nearly shouts, making Evan flinch.

“I… don’t think so? We… we got drunk? But… I don’t remember anything else.” Jared curses softly.

“Did he try anything? You know, like…”

Evan’s face grows warm. “Jare!” He exclaims, shocked at his friend’s implication. “He wouldn’t have!” He suddenly recalls waking up shirtless, and a cold shiver spreads through him. “Wait.”

“Evan?”

“Jared…” Evan whimpers, feeling tears prick his eyes. “I have no idea what happened. And… I… when I woke up…” He sits down on his bed, growing pale. “I woke up without my shirt on…”

“Oh my god,” Jared’s voice is shaky, and Evan covers his face in his hands. _What happened last night?_ “Do… do you want me to come over?” Jared asks gingerly.

“Yes, please.” Evan’s voice is small, timid.

“Alright, just, hang tight, okay? Be there in five.” Evan sighs, then notices the time, and his breath catches in his throat. _I have to be at the park in twenty minutes! Shit!_ His breathing is rapid, and Evan hugs his knees to his chest, trying to calm himself down. _What the fuck do I do?_

Soon, Jared arrives, and hugs Evan tightly. Evan holds Jared close, wanting to hold him forever. He releases his hold quickly, embarrassed, realizing how clingy he’s being.

“What do I do?” Evan whispers, looking up at Jared with shining eyes, pleading for help. Jared looks down at him, slowly placing a hand on his face.

“I think… I think you should go.”

Evan’s eyes widen, startled. “I… I should go? But what if..”

Jared shakes his head. “It’ll be really bad if you back out, he’ll be pissed and that won’t be good.. Be careful, though? Text me or call me as soon as you feel scared.”

Evan watches curiously as Jared reaches into his pocket, pulling out something in his hand. His fingers unravel, revealing a small acorn. “It’s dumb, but…” Jared flushes, looking away. “I always carry this with me… to remind me of you, my best friend.” His eyes shyly meet Evan’s crystalline blue ones.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t-” Evan protests as Jared places the acorn into his hand. “I mean, are you sure? I can’t just take this away from you!”

Jared laughs softly. “It’s okay, you can just give it back tomorrow, okay? Good luck, and be careful.” Warmth fills Evan as Jared wraps his arms around him in a hug.

*****

Evan walks slowly down the streets, the breeze ruffling his hair. His earbuds play mellow piano melodies, soothing him. His fingers surround the acorn in his pocket, the smooth surface contrasting against his slightly calloused fingertips from years of climbing trees.

He arrives at the park, spotting Connor in the distance, the sun causing his deep brown hair to shine.

_Here goes._

Connor is laying flat on his back, arms outstretched and eyes closed. He’s on his second joint and the volume in his earbuds is cranked up to the maximum, and though it does little to drown out the foreign chatter from his squip, it certainly does the trick to distract him some.

One arm lazily lifts to allow himself another drag from his spliff, and he feels himself float, as if the grass beneath him isn’t really grass at all but air. Connor doesn’t remember the last time he smoked so much in such a short space of time, and he feels pretty ropey as he lets his arm flop back to the grass beside him.

A shadow looms overhead and blocks the light from filtering through closed eyelids, and Connor passes it off as a cloud floating by until he feels a soft nudge to his side. Cracking open one eye, Connor smiles when he sees Evan standing over him, and misses when he makes a grab for the cord on his earphones to pull them out. _Fuck I’m like.. really high._

Yanking on the cord, Connor pulls his earphones free and extends a hand, waggling his fingers toward Evan. There’s no way he can sit up unaided, he feels light and boneless and even the slightest movement feels like an effort. “Hey, you came.” Connor sighs, well aware of the stupid smile on his face. “Little help?”

Evan nods, clasps his hand and struggles to tug him to sitting in his dosed and heavy state. “Um.. are you okay?”

“Never better, why’d you ask?” Connor lies and offers a shaky smile but he knows he must look like shit- he’s got drymouth, bad, and already he regrets packing his joints so full. His squip interjects with something indecipherable and Connor slaps a palm on his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You don’t look so good— do you want a drink?”

Connor feels like Christmas and every birthday has come at once, and his tired eyes light up as he rests his head back against the tree to peer up at Evan. “Fuck yes.”

Evan frowns and digs in his bag for a bottle, handing it to Connor before sitting, hesitantly, three feet away from him. _Weird?_

Connor guzzles the water in record time, and though he’s less parched, he still feels pale and shaky. _Maybe I went a little too far this time._

“Hey Connor?” Evan squeaks and it’s almost too quiet to hear, but Connor’s ears prick as he turns to him. “Do you ever do any other.. y’know? Is.. I mean.. weed is all you smoke?”

Odd question, but Connor supposes it’s natural for someone as innocent and sheltered as Evan to ask. “Uh.. I guess. Life’s a bitch and then you die so.. can’t hurt to try everything once.”

Evan exhales shakily and he runs a hand through his hair, it looks as if he’s on the edge of a question that he doesn’t dare ask. A jolt of electricity shoots down Connor’s spine and he yelps, a wave of nausea washing over him. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying to me- cut it out.” He mumbles to the Squip as he comes down from the pain.

“Oh, I’m sorry? I guess I’m trying to say.. is there any way anything could have accidentally fallen into the bottle yesterday?” Evan is scratching his arm obsessively, and Connor’s eyes dart to the red patch he’s making.

“Fallen in?”

“I just don’t remember much? I guess I remember you putting me into bed and I remember being really high in the seats but I don’t remember..” Evan takes a huge breath and expels the next part in one long word. _“Idon’tremembertakingoffmyshirt.._ and I don’t remember how I took off my shirt, and you were there and suddenly you weren’t and-“

“You’re asking if I drugged you?” Connor deadpans, this entire thing clicking into place. “You think I’m asshole enough to drug you?”

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Evan shoots out his hands in front of him and waves them around dramatically, something Connor would probably find adorable if he wasn’t so hurt.

“Of course not. Ev, your shirt was covered in puke so I threw it in the laundry. That’s all.” Connor turns away and rummages in his bag, pulling papers and tobacco out with annoyance in every motion. _Fuck this._ “I guess if that’s what you think of me you can go now.”

Another shock zaps down his spine and Connor falters, tears filling his eyes. “What the fuck do you want from me?!”

Another shock comes in quick succession, and Connor launches his lighter across the grass in a fit of temper, falling back against the tree. “We had a good time. Or at least _I_ did- and I thought you did too y’know?” Connor worries his lower lip with his teeth and turns back to Evan, eyes full of hurt. “You don’t remember me kissing you? I asked you if I could by the way- I didn’t fucking force it on you.”

Evan shakes his head, eyes wide. “We kissed?”

“We kissed. And then you puked. Makes sense I guess.” Connor lets out a huff of laughter and stuffs everything back in his bag, he guesses it’s probably time to leave and face his family, who inevitably know about it all by now.

“I’m sorry, I-“

“No, I’m sorry. For thinking I had a damn chance to be remotely liked by anyone.” Connor feels tears sting his eyes and another shock ripples through him, with no guesses what the squip wants this time. “My sister overheard that I _kissed_ Evan Hansen, so naturally my parents are going to hear and god only knows how that’ll play out.” A tear rolls down his face but Connor tries to mask it with anger, his face scrunching up as he turns to swipe it away with his sleeve.

If he wasn’t so stoned there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he’d be barrelling headfirst into a complete episode. “Zoe knows, the whole school is gonna know, and honestly I didn’t give a fuck but now that it was all for nothing? Fuck.” He pauses, peering tearfully over his shoulder at Evan, scowl fixed to his features. “Why are you even still here?”

Evan stares at Connor in bewilderment. “I… um…” He hesitantly reaches a hand out to touch Connor’s face, wanting to comfort him, but he didn’t know how. Connor glared back at him through shining eyes.

“What the fuck are you staring at me for? Why are you here? I’m such a fuckup! God!”

Evan chewed the inside of his cheek nervously, scooting closer. He lowered his voice as he neared. “Did… did you… did you like it? Like kissing me?” Evan averts his gaze as he picks at a blade of grass, his nails slicing into the delicate green skin.

“I fucking loved it,” Connor grumbles, eliciting a surprised yet pleased face from Evan.

“You… you did?”

Connor slowly took Evan’s hand, their fingers interlocking. “All I could think about all night is how much I wanted to kiss you again!” He says suddenly, nearly demanding Evan to kiss him.

Evan gulps, looking into Connor’s bloodshot eyes from the weed. “I…” He moves closer, their lips hardly a hair apart. A thought passes through Evan, and he scurries backwards, away from Connor’s hurt face. “You… you’re high… this would be meaningless, and, I mean…” _He would only like me… he only likes me when he’s under influence._ Evan gets up, brushing off random bits of grass and dirt from his pants.

“Evan…” Connor gets up, stumbling a bit, and he grasps at Evan’s shoulder to steady him, almost falling onto him. “I… I really do like you.” Suddenly, Connor cries out in pain, clutching at his head, fingers knotting into the long dark strands of his hair, causing Evan to just hug him, feeling helpless. “I’m such a mess,” he whispers as Evan hesitantly hugs him tighter.

“It’ll be okay…” Connor meets Evan’s eyes, who feels his heart strangely skip a beat, suddenly aware of the feelings of the other’s hands gripping his shirt desperately, all feelings magnified, every breath, every heartbeat sounding much louder.

Evan tentatively wipes Connor’s tear-stained cheeks, as he leans into his hands. Heart pounding, Evan leans closer, blood rushing in his ears. Finally, their lips touch, and Evan knows it’s a kiss he most definitely won’t forget.

Connor’s head spins as he’s kissed, a myriad of emotions swirling under the surface. He’s hurt, and rightfully so.

He’s confused, left to wonder just why he’s feeling so hung up on a guy he’s only hung out with once.

Delicately Connor cups his hand at the back of Evan’s head and kisses with more intent, his eyes falling softly closed. It’s the most care anyone has ever shown him, and a rush of longing sweeps him almost off his feet. He fits with Evan, despite their little bump in the road; and if Connor was being honest with himself he couldn’t blame the guy for thinking he’d drug him. That was his reputation after all, wasn't it? Stoner weirdo?

Connor sighs into the kiss just as Evan traces his tongue along his but his comfort is short lived. Evan pulls back, his nose wrinkled with a grimace. “You taste-“

“Like shit?” Connor cuts him off, a grin stretching his face. He wishes he’d brought mints or gum or anything with him, just to take away the awful cottonmouth. Evan nods and laughs at that, his fingers fidgeting with the buttons on Connor’s jacket.

“Yeah. Like shit.” And just like that the storm in Connor’s mind passes, and the two of them are laughing. It’s a weird turn of events, but as Connor turns to grab his bag he decides it’s preferable to going home alone, crying. And the squip is, for once, quiet.

“You don’t look so good. You wanna come over and chill? Play games or whatever? My mom is working so.. you won’t have to see her while you’re high or whatever.” Evan chirps, and Connor runs a palm over his face shakily.

Do I really look so bad? He nods, feeling pale and ropey. It’s probably best that he isn’t sitting in a park, high as hell. “Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.”

They walk for ten minutes hand in hand, with Evan desperately trying to convince Connor that drugs aren’t the smartest path to take in life, and Connor completely disregarding his points. For a plant expert he sure seems to hate such a harmless little weed.

They’re barely down the driveway when Connor is tackled to the ground, and he’s way too stoned to fight back. “What the fuck?”

It’s Jared, who is currently straddling his waist and gripping his collar with a furious scowl etched onto his features. “You asshole! I know you were a fucking nutcase, but this?”

“I’m the nutcase? Holy shit, you’re the one who just bowled me over for fuck all!” Connor can’t raise his voice much past yelling, and he’s dizzy from the contact his head made with the concrete. “Jesus, Jared, get off me!”

“How’d you like it if you were spiked and taken advantage of huh? Don’t answer that- you’d probably enjoy it wouldn’t you, you sicko!”

Jared’s really funny-looking when he’s angry, and Connor bursts into uncontrollable laughter. Evan’s probably standing off to the side too shocked to respond, and as soon as Connor’s laughing subsides he’s squirming under Jared. “Alright, Mr. Knight in Shining Armor. Everything that happened, you can blame the Squip you supplied me for. Now get the fuck off me and get this thing out of my head.”

Evan watched in a stunned silence, his feet rooted to the ground as his best friend screamed in Connor’s face. He regains his senses, and hurries over, trying to pull Jared away. “Jare! What are you doing? Leave him alone!”

“He took advantage of you, I’m making him pay!” Jared spits, but allows Evan to haul him off of the stoner.

“Hey, calm down, he didn’t do anything, right?” Evan looks to Connor hopefully, who slowly manages to get up.

“Yeah, yeah I didn’t do anything,” he sneers at Jared. Jared takes a deep breath, smoothing his hair and fixing his glasses which had previously hung crookedly.

“Evan,” he approaches him, crossing his arms. “You said you have zero memory of what happened. Do you seriously trust that Connor didn’t try anything? The both of you were wasted, who knows what this asshole did?”

A sense of calm washes over Evan, and he stands bravely in front of Connor. “I trust him,” he says shakily, but there’s still a nagging voice in his mind saying _‘what if?’_ over and over.

Jared squints at Connor who grins cockily. “I still can’t believe you let him get so drunk. And if you did anything, well, I’m gonna find out and you’re gonna regret it!”

Connor gently directs Evan to the side by placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. Jared puffs out his chest, yet he is still quite shorter than Connor, who smirks. “Say, Jare, why are you so pissed off about this? I promise I didn’t take advantage of Evan, but why do you care so much?”

“Because he’s my best friend!” Evan interjects as he notices Jared looking attacked for a moment.

“Is that all?” Connor steps closer. “Or is it because you’re in love with him?”

Fuming, Jared tries to land a punch, but Connor moves just out of the way, so Jared’s fist slams into the air.

Evan felt a bit of laughter bubble up inside him. “Jared? In love with me?” Evan exclaims, trying to catch his breath as he cracks up. “Connor, you’re super high right now!”

Jared chuckles too, looking relieved, but Connor just squints at him. “Well, get over your stupid jealousy, got it?” He tries to take Evan’s hand, but Evan turns to Jared instead.

“Can I speak with you? In private?” Where there was jealousy just moments ago, Jared feels a sense of fulfilment seeing Evan completely ignore Connor’s outstretched hand. _That’s right you stoner freak, back off._

Thankfully, Evan hasn’t seemed to pay much attention to Connor’s remark on the whole love thing, and Jared can’t be more thankful. That’s a can of worms he really doesn’t want to be opening right now, and as he glares back at Connor he realises he really can’t stand the prick. He can’t just stand idly by and let him sink his claws into his acorn.

“Sure.” Jared says flatly, and follows Evan to the house leaving Connor looking utterly dejected in the driveway.

“Mind telling me what all that was about?” Evan sounds stern, a tone he doesn’t often adopt. Jared huffs and pulls out his phone, flicking to the picture he’d been sent last night of Connor, holding a very much unconscious Evan’s hand.

“What does this look like to you?” Evan is almost unnaturally pink in the cheeks as he snatches the phone, staring at the picture for the first time.

“Wow, Connor looks.. really happy.”

“He looks happy? Fucking happy?” Jared snatches the phone back and laughs, incredulous. “Wouldn’t you be happy if you’d just drugged someone so you could fuck em?”

“Jared!” Evan shrieks and shoves him, eyebrows knitted together. “Nothing happened! I puked on my shirt and he was helping get it off!”

“He was helping get _something_ off, alright.” Jared mumbles, feeling fury simmering in his bones. Connor is standing in the driveway still, rubbing the back of his head and checking his fingertips, smearing the blood there. Dick.

“Stop it. Just stop it!” Evan pinches the bridge of his nose and Jared softens. He hates seeing him this way and without hesitation he moves to wrap his arms around Evan, who bats his hands away instantaneously. “Not now, Jare. Another thing, what’s this script? You gave it to him? Why? You said it makes you crazy, why would you give it to Connor? Explain yourself.”

_Well shit._

Evan gritted his teeth, glaring at his best friend, just wanting some goddamn answers. “Jared,” he prompts again, losing his patience. “What. The. Fuck. Is. A. _Script?”_ He shouts the last word, making his friend take a step back.

Jared sighs, staring at his sneakers. “It’s.. just a pill. It was supposed to help Connor stop being addicted to drugs.”

Evan softens. _Jared… was just trying to help Connor._ He feels himself getting angry, thinking about how ungrateful Connor is being about it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” Jared mumbles.

“It’s fine.” Evan pauses, picking at his cuticles. “Jare… you really think Connor did something?”

Jared balls up his fists, his breathing becoming harsh. “Yes. He sent me that fucking photo looking all smug, standing in front of your half naked body!” Evan tries to remember as much as he possibly can about Connor. _Would he really do something to me? What was the photo all about, anyway?_

“Why…” He looks away nervously. “Why would he send you that photo?”

“Because he’s a psychopath!” Jared nearly screeches. He grabs Evan’s arms. “Please, don’t hang out with that guy again! It was a mistake for me to let you go on this… date.”

His eyes drift towards where Jared is clutching at his arms, and Jared uncurls his fingers and lets his hands fall to his side. “Did… did you follow me?” Anger creeps into Evan’s voice suddenly, squinting at Jared accusingly.

“I was in the area… but I got nervous, so…” For one of the first times in a while, Jared seems extremely worried and almost regretful, making Evan sigh.

“I can take care of myself,” he says at last, but neither of them believe it wholeheartedly. “Maybe… maybe you should go,” he suggests lightly.

“Wait, acorn.”

“Yeah?”

Jared turns pink, and licks his lips slightly, a habit Evan notices he does when he’s stressed. “Never mind,” Jared gives Evan a weak smile. “Sorry I ruined your date. Have fun.”

Evan watches as Jared walks away, feeling oddly disappointed. _Do I really believe he took of my shirt just because it was dirty? It makes sense, we were drunk, so I probably puked, but… what if Connor doesn’t remember whether or not he did anything?_ He shrugs the thought away. _No._

 

*

As Jared walks away, he feels regret pool in his gut for messing everything up. Stupid, stupid! He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small gray pill. Helps with his drug addiction? Seriously? By now, Jared hardly remembers why he even got the pill. _Oh. Right. Evan._

He clenches his fist around the pill, feeling it press into his palm, likely to form an indentation. If he got the pill, it could’ve made Evan like him. Now, it’s just a waste. He considers tossing it into the street, but he holds tight anyway, then slips it back into his pocket.

 _Maybe I’ll use it someday. Or just sell the damn thing._ He feels bad for lying about the squip, but he really just doesn’t want Evan to get his hands on one and practically destroy his life and… _leave me._ He knew the squip could make people cooler, if Evan got it, he would leave Jared behind, it would just be Jared and his fucking bath bombs.

Jared tries to calm down, despite the growing hatred he feels for that stupid addict. Jared stops in his tracks as he remembers telling Evan to wait for a moment, then dismissing it, letting it go. _It’s a good idea I did._ He laughs humorlessly a bit to himself. _Imagine how much worse everything would be if I told that acorn how I felt about him._

“Hey, Evan, guess what? I love you!” He chirps to himself in a high voice, then grunts at his idiocy. Like fucking hell he would ever admit it. “Oh, I know, you’re dating Connor, but just leave that pothead and be with me! Your ugly, depressed, nerdy best friend!” He whispers in the same dumb lilted voice.

“I’m such a fucking weirdo.”

*

Connor is loitering in the driveway, dizzy and nauseous. It’s a mix between the sickening crack his skull had made on the concrete and his high ebbing away, but it’s something he knows will pass. He says nothing as Jared storms past him, only watched with a pointed stare and waits to be summoned by Evan.

_‘That was a bad idea.’_

“Oh you’re back. Fantastic. That’s all I need. What was a bad idea, exactly?” Connor drawls, swiping blood from the cut on his head.

 _‘Stop talking to me. That’s what got you in this entire mess, right? Think, don’t speak.’_ The Squip seems to pause and Connor takes a deep breath, plunging his hands deep into his pockets with a roll of his eyes. _‘Anyway, bad ideas. Where do I begin? You got stoned in a park in plain sight. You smashed your sisters phone into oblivion. You told Evan you had a Squip. And you ruined your bond by fighting with his only friend.’_

_Jared? He’s an asshole! He started it._

_‘Fix it.’_

_What? No!_

_‘Yes.’_

Connor groans and drags a hand through his hair, thumping his head against the tree beside him. This is really the last thing he wants to do, but if the stupid little pill was telling him that this was the only way to sort things between him and Evan, so be it.

 **To:** Jared

 **MSG:** Hey man, I’m really sorry for what went down. I didn’t mean for things to get so heated, and I hope we can put this silly argument behind us.

“Doesn’t even sound like me.” Connor mumbles, and tucks his phone away into his pocket just as Evan emerges from his doorway. He looks uncomfortable, he’s fidgeting and squirming, and can hardly hold eye contact with Connor for even a second.

 _‘Comfort him. Tell him you’re sorry, and tell him you apologised to Jared.’_ Connor looks at his sneakers and then back to Evan, sloping toward him with an apologetic grimace and reaching out to clasp his shoulder.

“Hey.. Ev.. I’m sorry. Things got a little out of hand and I said things I didn’t mean. I uh.. apologised. To Jared.”

Slowly, Evan meets his eyes and nods, but he still isn’t smiling. “The script. Jared said he gave it to you to help you quit drugs, why isn’t it working?”

_Fucking liar!_

_‘Play along.’_

“I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t work for everyone, and it’s kinda hard to quit something when you don’t want-“ A grunt cuts Connor off as a shock ripples through him, and his grip tightens on Evan’s shoulder. He pulls him against his chest to divert his attention. “I’ll try. Promise.”

_‘Good. Now tug his heartstrings. You’re bleeding, play on it.’_

For another moment he’s content just holding Evan, but he doesn’t seem remotely comfortable with the embrace. Slowly Connor lets go, and brings a hand to cup the back of his head to bring it away bloodied. “Shit. Evan do you think you could take a look? I think I hit my head or something.”

Evan’s eyes instantly widen when he sees the blood smeared on his fingertips, and he grabs Connor to usher him inside. “Do you need a hospital? I’m not trained in first aid, Connor what if you need stitches? I’m not so great with blood y’know and maybe if my mom was home this would be a whole different story but she’s not and-“

“Hey, I’m sure it’s fine.” Connor laughs and lets himself be ushered to sit at the dining room table, feeling slightly guilty for the concern etched into Evan’s face. “It’s probably just a scratch. I’m fine, Evan.”

“I’m calling an ambulance.” He blurts and tugs out his phone, only to be halted by Connor taking gentle hold of his wrists.

“I’m fine. I should probably clean it, I’m sure you’ll be able to tell if it’s bad enough for stitches.”

Evan looks doubtfully at Connor, almost pleading him to not call for an ambulance. _I guess if he really thinks he’s fine…_ “Alright, well, if you feel any worse, lemme know, I guess?” Evan casts one last concerned look at Connor’s bloodied fingertips. “Well, you might as well wash your hands then, the sink is over there.” Evan nods his chin towards the kitchen. “I’ll get some ice or something.”

As he hears Connor rinse the blood off of his hands, he rummages in the closets for an old towel, and runs it under warm water in the bathroom sink. He goes into the cabinets, finding antiseptic ointments and bandages, finally going back to the bathroom for an ice pack.

He is experienced with Jared’s typical clumsiness, so he knows how to treat minor injuries. Connor rests on the couch, wincing. Evan coaxes him to turn around as he gently wipes the blood away with the towel. “This might hurt a bit,” Evan whispers as he carefully spreads various creams and gels on the scrapes.

Connor hisses from the pain, but gives Evan a weak, reassuring smile. Finally, a bandage is placed on the injury, and an ice pack is lightly pressed to the area. Connor sighs as he leans back. “Thanks,” he murmurs. “You’re good at taking care of people, and… stuff.” He smirks at Evan’s blushing face as he rests against him.

“You know, Jared really isn’t such a bad guy, but he’s of course really protective…” Evan chuckles lightly, but it falters when he sees the other looking down dejectedly. “What’s wrong?”

Fidgeting, Connor takes Evan’s hand. “Is… is it okay if.. I stay over for a bit?”

Evan’s eyes dart from their two hands to Connor’s face, and back again to their hands. “I… uh. Sure,” he breathes out, warmth spreading from where their skin touch.

“My family is great, but.. there’s a ton of fighting and shit.” Connor squeezes Evan’s hand a bit. “Also…” Evan watches Connor curiously as he pauses, admittedly enjoying their hands together. “My sister, oh god, my sister!” He wails suddenly. “She found out you and I went out which _sucks!”_ He puts his face in his hands miserably.

Connor jerks up suddenly. “Not that you suck, you don’t suck, and I don’t regret it in the slightest, but if she tells people, the whole school would know!” He squeezes his eyes shut and cringes. “I mean, I like you a lot, and I wouldn’t really be embarrassed that I like you, no, but there are other people who might, and it’s not like I’d be ashamed, but like..” He trails off as he feels Evan’s hands on his back.

“Hey, now, it’s okay, take a breath!” He laughs, hugging him. “I… I like you, too.”

Connor peers up at Evan as if he doesn’t quite believe him, especially after his behaviour today. Who would ever like a monumental fuck up like him? He couldn’t even date right; his one and only attempt at dating ending in a wasted Evan and a fight with Jared.

Evan’s looking down at him with this tiny smile and stroking his thumb back and forth over his knuckles, and Connor exhales every ounce of anxiety in his body. “You.. you do?”

“What’s not to like?” Evan smiles, patting the back of his hand one last time before moving to clear away the first aid kit. “Um.. if you’re gonna be staying here do you mean staying, staying? Like overnight staying? I’d have to call my mom and ask her but I’m sure she’d be fine with it only-”

“I can take the couch if you’re uncomfortable.” Connor interjects, seeing Evan’s nerves rising in the way he scratches at his arm compulsively, just as he did in the park. “You don’t have to worry. You really did puke on your shirt though. Was gross, man.”

 _‘He’s smiling. You’re doing just fine without me. Keep it up!’_ The squip interrupts and Connor jumps in his seat, startled. He’d almost forgotten the thing was there, but it’s words of praise only make Connor positively beam with pride.

_Thank you!_

“I’m sorry I doubted you.” Evan mumbles as he takes Connor’s hand once more. He’s still smiling though, which is a good sign. At least he really does believe him now.

_Ha, fuck you, Jared!_

Connor tugs lightly until Evan falls into his lap with a soft grunt, and he brings his arms to encircle his waist and hold him close.

_‘This is your perfect opportunity, make a move, say something suggestive.’_

_What?_ Connor stiffens, the smile slipping from his face. Why would he ruin such a perfectly innocent moment? _No! This is.. This is nice._

_‘Just trust me. Toy with the hem of his shirt and graze his hip with your fingertips. Nothing more has to come of it, but it’ll solidify your interest in Evan.’_

So Connor does. He swallows around the nervous lump in his throat and buries his nose against Evan’s shoulder, his face flaming. Delicately, he traces a hand beneath the hem of Evan’s polo and comes into contact with warm skin, but Evan only flinches.

 _Fuck! Why did you tell me to do that?_ Connor recoils as if he’s been shocked and smooths down Evan’s shirt, hoping he can play this off as some dumb accident.

“Shit. I’m sorry. Uh.. cold hands.” Connor fumbles for an excuse and regrettably that’s all he comes up with. I better be able to power you off soon.

“It’s fine.” Evan chirps far too quickly and when Connor looks up at him he’s red in the face and looking awkward as all hell, shifting in his lap. “You wanna play Playstation? I have a tonne of two-players and I really could use your help beating level six on one of em?”

Evan turns his face away from Connor, his face tomato red as Connor nods to his invitation to play video games.

 _He… he touched me. Why did he stop- WAIT, WHAT? No, no, no!_ He takes a few deep breaths and goes back to Connor.

“Yeah, uh, how’d you feel about a zombie game?”

“Sure,” he shrugs his shoulders, acting as if just seconds ago his fingers weren’t on Evan.

“Cool, um, let’s go to my room?” Evan coughs nervously, praying the other doesn’t get the wrong idea.

“Okay.” The two walk upstairs, a distance put between them, Evan avoiding looking back at Connor as much as possible. He loads in the game, watching from out of the corner of his eye as Connor settles onto the beanbag, looking effortlessly cool.

Handing Connor a controller, he sits in front of him on the floor, Connor’s ankles touching Evan’s legs.

As they play, Evan can’t help but laugh as Connor hopelessly fails at the game, getting killed every few seconds. Connor lurches forward, extremely close to attacking his first zombie, his stomach is pressed to Evan’s back. Evan expects Connor to go back to sitting normally, but he stays like this, resting on Evan. Slowly, Evan leans back, his head to Connor’s chest, his chin sitting on top of his soft blond hair. The two play like nothing happened, Connor still messing up.

“You’re letting me win!” Evan exclaims as Connor gets destroyed for the twentieth time.

“You wish, cutie!” Connor snorts, leaning even more on the shorter boy. “I’m just playing my own game is all, and I’m the one winning!” Evan flushes at the ‘cutie’ compliment, but chuckles anyway.

“Yeah, you are winning if your game is being the worst at busting zombies!” The game ends, the both of them losing from being totally distracted. Connor joins in, tossing his controller to the side as he wheezes from laughter.

“Shit! Sorry I made you lose your game!”

Evan giggles, dropping his own controller. “Nah, it was way more fun to see you flailing around getting mauled. Like, you press B to attack, you literally just had to attack and move left and right the entire time, and you still messed that up!”

“Shut up, you dork!” Connor lightly swats at Evan’s head, who doesn’t stop laughing.

“Make me,” he snickers, moving to power off the monitor. Quickly, Connor’s hand snags the back of Evan’s shirt, pulling a surprised Evan back to him, looking at Connor in confusion and shock, who kisses him briefly.

“That was your fault,” he smirks, at Evan’s pink face.

“Oh my gosh, you’re so weird,” Evan hides his blushing face as Connor laughs.

“You asked for it, tree boy.”

“Tree boy?” Evan gasps, incredulous, and Connor darts a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“Mhm! You told me you were an expert on plants. You have a little tree on your desk, and another little tree on your windowsill. You’re a total dweeb for trees.”

“They’re called bonsai trees, Connor. They’re from Japan, and they’re actually quite artistic if you think about it.”

“Such a tree dork. Look-“ Connor pulls his phone out to scroll through his almost empty list of numbers, turning the screen to Evan. “I even saved you as tree dork, with a little leaf emoticon.”

“Emoji.” Evan corrects, and immediately flushes, covering his face with his hands again.

“Dork.” Connor can’t get over how cute Evan looks, blushing and peeking out from between his fingers. He knows he must look like a complete disaster, strung out and his head all bandaged up, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

He smiles up at him from where he’s nestled between Connor’s thighs, his head tilted back against his shoulder, and it takes almost superhuman willpower from Connor to hold back from kissing him again.

_‘Do it. He wants you to, kiss him!’_

_Shut up!_

“So-“ Connor clears his throat, tearing his gaze away and running his palms down Evan’s arms until they reach his hands, where he interlocks their fingers and squeezes. “You wanna get takeout?”

“Yes!” Evan immediately chirps in response and Connor chuckles, shuffling to get comfortable with him against his chest. “Pizza? With pepperoni?”

“Oh hell yeah. I’m starving.” He’d skipped out on breakfast this morning and has the munchies, bad.

Evan peels himself from Connor’s chest although somehow it seems he doesn’t want to, and disappears off down the stairs to order. He’s gone for an abnormally long time and when he returns, he’s chewed his lower lip bloody and looks like he’s seen a ghost.

“Ev? You okay?” Connor sits straighter and his brow knits together. “What happened?”

“Happened?” Evan questions seemingly in a daze, before snapping out of it, shaking his head and waving a hand through the air in dismissal. “Oh! Oh it’s nothing. I just- I hate talking on the phone, y’know?”

Connor stares for a moment in disbelief before he parts with a huff of laughter. “Fuckin’ asshole. Had me worried, standing there like you’d seen someone die. I woulda called for you!”

“S-Sorry!” Evan giggles, and he’s turning that adorable hue of pink again, all cute and embarrassed.

Connor reaches out and snags Evan’s hand, yanking him down against him once more. “Doofus.”

*.*.*.*.*

“I’m just saying, you eat a lot for such a little guy.” Connor teases with a smirk, drying the dishes as Evan washes them. Evan cups a handful of water from the sink and sends it flying in his direction, soaking his face and the curls of hair protruding from the bandage around his head.

“I’m not that little.” Evan laughs, turning back to the dishes. Connor splutters and swipes the water from his face, laughing boisterously.

“Oh, you’ve done it now, Hansen.” Evan’s eyes widen and he doesn’t even have time to dry off his hands before Connor is chasing him through the house, twirling the towel in a spiral before snapping the end against whatever inch of him he could reach.

“Ah! C-Connor! Stop!” He can barely speak through his fits of laughter, and tears of joy form in the corners of his eyes as he tears through the dining room. “You win! You win!”

Connor growls playfully and tackles Evan to the couch, prodding and poking his ticklish ribs until he’s gasping for air and begging for mercy through his laughter.

“Connor! S- st- stop that!”

“No can do, Ev, you gotta suffer!” Connor nips at his sides and laughs along with him, until finally he decides to give Evan a little respite. Once he’s done laughing, Evan swipes his hands under his eyes to bat the tears away and stares up at his attacker, red in the face and grinning.

“You ready to apologise?” Connor drawls, nudging the tip of Evan’s nose with his own. Evan flushes and cups Connor’s face, leans in close as if to steal a kiss and then pulls back, triumphant.

“Never.”

_‘Kiss him. Kiss him now!’_

Without a moment's hesitation, Connor ducks to kiss the boy beneath him, shifting so his entire weight doesn’t rest on Evan. Today is the most fun he’s had in as long as he can remember, and Connor actually feels like he’s living , really living for the first time.

He kisses Evan like his life depends on it, like he’s trying to eradicate all other thoughts that aren’t of him from his mind. It’s soft, and gentle, but somehow holds every ounce of emotion that Connor’s kept locked inside for all these years.

Evan whimpers into the kiss and that does it, Connor never wants to stop kissing him and he’d be perfectly content if he never had to, and he presses Evan into the couch as he delicately takes Evan’s hand in his own, making himself comfortable between his thighs.

The clearing of a throat cuts the moment short, and Connor’s eyes shoot wide. Just as quickly as he’d tackled Evan, he tears himself away and meets the wide gaze of his mom, who’s frozen in the doorway and staring Connor down like she wants blood. Evan’s beet red as he pulls himself to sitting, and he smooths down the creases of his shirt.

“M-mom!” Evan gulped, absolutely mortified, as his eyes flickered between a breathless Connor and his shocked mother. “Uh… I thought you weren’t gonna be home for a little while longer?” Evan squeaks out. _Shit, I’m totally grounded now, aren’t I? Oh, god.._ His mother raises an eyebrow, clenching and unclenching her fists.

“Evan.. what the fuck is going on?” Connor sits up, relaxed on the couch.

“What’s happening, Mrs. Hansen, is that your son is a delicious little-” A yelp erupts from his lips, and he shifts slightly. “Uh.. We were just kissing, nothing else was going to happen..” He trails off as he sees Heidi marching over.

“ _Nobody_ touches my son,” she growls threateningly.

“Mom, wait, um,” Evan stumbles over his words, getting up to calm her down. “We, uh, were just goofing off, right Con?” His eyes slide over to meet those of Connor’s, who nods slightly.

“Yeah, just.. playing is all.” Connor gets up, awkwardly sticking out a hand for Heidi to shake. “I should go, thanks for having me, see ya, Ev.”

“Wait!” Evan shrieks, hurrying to Connor’s side. “You can’t go, you said your family-” He is cut off by a soft gaze silently telling him that it’ll be alright. Evan turns back to his mother, who is narrowing her eyes at the two of them. “Please, he’s hurt, let him stay overnight! He can sleep on the couch!”

Heidi still glares at the two of them, who are looking nervously back at her. “Fine,” she spits. “You can stay. And no more.. fooling around!”

With a sigh, she turns to Connor, who straightens his back and gives her a small smile. “I don’t care if you two date, just,” Heidi pauses, clapping a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Don’t you dare touch him, got it?” Heidi hisses and Connor gives a small nod.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Watching his mother attack Connor like this makes Evan feel embarrassed in ways he thought never possible. _Why does she have to be so weird? I can take care of myself!_ Barely registering what he’s doing, he takes Connor’s hand and leads him to the kitchen, out of his mom’s sight.

He rests against the refrigerator, covering his red face. “Oh, god,” he murmurs. “That was the most awkward thing ever! I’m so sorry she saw us like that, and…” Evan peeks through his fingers shyly. “And she was grilling you like that! Ugh, well, neither of us Hansens are good at making an impression on people I guess.”

Connor gently peels Evan’s hands away from his face, stepping closer. “Hey, it’s okay, honestly, that went better than I thought it would,” he whispers with a light chuckle. “At least she isn’t trying to kill me, right?” Connor cracks a smile, taking one of Evan’s hands in his own. “The one thing I _am_ pissed off about is that she interrupted a pretty steamy make out session. Right?”

Evan smacks his arm with a laugh. _“Steamy?_ Oh my god, you’re _so_ weird!” Connor joins in, and leans down, quickly kissing Evan on the cheek.

“Now let’s go before your mom changes her mind and decides to actually slaughter me, okay?” Evan squeezes his hand and takes a deep breath, leading the way back through the living room. He still looks like he wants the heavens to open and beam him up, all cute and blushing.

“Evan, a word.” Connor doesn’t even have his sneakers on before Evan’s being called back into the lounge, and Ev looks up at him like a frightened rabbit. “Alone.”

“Y-Yeah, coming mom.” Hesitantly he leaves Connor lingering in the entrance to the house, leaving him to pick at the paint on his nails and eavesdrop. He can hardly hear anything on the lecture, Evan is desperately trying to keep the conversation to a whisper and Connor can only make out the odd question.

“Are you two dating?” Frantic shushing followed from Evan and Connor can almost hear his face flaming red.

“Are you being forced into anything?” A heavy groan and the sound of what Connor can only assume is the noise of Evan’s palm meeting his face.

“Are you being safe?”

“Mom! Please!” Evan appears by his side almost glowing crimson, and tugs quickly on his arm. “Oh my god just.. go, lets go. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry if you heard any of that she’s so embarrassing and-“

“Evan, do I smell.. _cannabis?”_ Heidi appears and says the word as if it’s a curse, and Connor stiffens in the doorway. If he’s caught with the eighth in his pocket he’s done for, he’s already been caught and cautioned once before and this time he’d be in real trouble.

“Uh- I-I don’t know? What’s a cannabis? I don’t know, Connor, do you know?” Evan tugs at his collar as if he can’t breathe. How do I fix this?

_‘Pass it off as something else. You can do it! Activate tear ducts.’_

And just like that, Connor’s sobbing, hot tears tracking down his face as he tries, and fails, to stop them. _What the hell?!_

He racks his brain for an excuse, trying to think of all he could use. Haze reeked of sweat, right? _God this is gonna be so embarrassing._ “I- I didn’t think it was that noticeable-“ Connor sobs, and he sees Evan staring up at him in almost horrified confusion. “Things aren’t so good with my family r-right now, Mrs. Hansen, I haven’t been home to sh-shower. I’m sorry, I th-thought-“

“Oh you poor thing.” Evan’s mom instantly softens, and Connor can’t believe it actually worked. He’s still crying, wiping his tears away on the backs of his hands. “I’m sorry for being so hard on you, you clearly don’t need it right now. Do you want to use our shower? I don’t mind at all- you poor, poor thing.”

Connor nods, stammering out a shaky thank you before Evan leads him up the stairs and down the hall.

_‘Deactivate tear ducts.’_

“What the hell was that?” Evan cocks his head to the side and wipes at Connor’s face, completely baffled. “I didn’t realise you were such a good actor. Things.. aren’t that bad with your family, right?”

Connor shrugs; things are bad with his family as they always are, but he’s never been one for crying over them. “I couldn’t let your mom catch me with weed, dude!” He hisses, gaining an uncomfortable fidgeting from Evan.

“Well.. now you have to get rid of it, can you flush it?”

The thought pains him, but he nods. “I guess so. I’ll Uh.. back soon, okay?” Connor ruffles the top of Evan’s hair and disappears into the bathroom, locking the door and leaning against it in a moment of calm.

_So what the fuck do I do now? Flush em?”_

_‘And if the bag gets stuck somewhere in the drain? You’ll be caught out.’_

_So now what?!_

There’s a long pause, an extended silence where Connor grows increasingly nervous. Surely there has to be some escaping this unscathed.

_‘You’ll have to use it.’_

_What?!_

_‘It’s the only way! This once, to save your much needed relation with your mate’s mom, I’ll allow it.’_

Connor’s never been one to pass up on getting high, but this all seems too risky and suddenly he’s filled with an all-consuming dread.

 _‘I’ll allow you to power me down early. This once.’_ That’s something he can’t refuse, and Connor’s ecstatic as he shuts the squip down and sets the shower stream running. He rolls a joint with deft fingertips, packing everything he has left into a single skin.

All Connor can think as he smokes out of the window is that this is going to knock him out, he’ll probably fall asleep in the shower and wake up under a cold stream, or Evan will think he’s been flushed down the drain.

By the last draw of the joint he’s feeling boneless and blissed out, and only just manages to duck himself under the water stream so as not to look entirely suspicious. He unwinds the bloodied bandage from his scalp and gently drops it in the trash, shutting off the water.

Connor’s eyes are heavy, very much so, and as he grabs the powder blue dressing gown from the hook on the back of the door, he buries his face against it and sighs. It feels so soft against his skin, amplified through his high, and when he slips it on he feels like he’s died and gone to heaven.

He isn’t thinking clearly, and he’s so tired and docile that he makes a beeline straight for Evan’s room, slumping over a beanbag and tapping away on his phone.

 **To:** Jared

 **MSG:** You didn’t reply, hope things are okay with us :))) What’s your shirt doing at Evan’s place, anyway? Weird lol

He shoves his phone under the beanbag he’s sprawled on and closes his eyes, a soft smile tweaking his lips. “Ev? You there?” Connor manages, halfway asleep already.

_Come snuggle me, asshole._


End file.
